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A Runners’ Experience

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I am starting a new category “A Runners’ Perspective”.
Thank you to the generous souls who are willing to share their story with me & in most cases with all of us! Understanding the emotions and corresponding actions from a runners’ view point is incredibly helpful to the ‘stayers’.  Thank you “S” for your story & we all wish you well:

This guy and I met a year and 4 months ago at my friend’s graduation party in my neighborhood. We met while dancing on the dance floor. There was something uncanny and familiar about him. When we met that night, I remember we kept looking at each other. I was the runner then and I am still now. I would run off even then at the party because I was scared; and then he would come back and come over and grab my hand to go dance again. He asked for my number that night and I had no idea why. I barely knew him. And we ended having coffee a week after the party. When we had coffee, we talked for like 4 hours straight and walked around a park. We tried to meet up again that summer but it didn’t work out. He kept coming up with excuses. We have been on and off for a year and 3 months. Each time we would talk to each other, we would talk for 5-6 hours. I was always scared of our connection and when he tried to get close, I would pull away and push him away. I would let him know that I can’t talk to him anymore. I couldn’t understand how someone who barely knew me..could understand me so well and we could connect on this deep familiar amazing connection.

 I was single when we met. After some time, I went back to my ex because I was too scared to allow this guy to stay in my life. I was with my ex for about a year. Each time this guy came back around to try again to connect with me; I would play the I have a bf card or you scare me or I can’t talk to you even as a friend. However, I would allow us to reconnect for like 3-5 hours before I got to that point each time. He seemed like an old friend someone that knew me on a level that no one else knew me. He could tell how I was feeling when I worked so hard to hide it. He knew that I had stayed with my ex bc it was my comfort zone. 

 The whole time we have known each other we have gone through so much. In July I met him up and he told me how he loved everything about me. And then I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks until he later said he could build up the courage to be with me. I had broken up with my ex in middle of july and I knew i wanted to be with him but when i tried too hard, i would again get scared and wanted to run away from my twin flame. We were together for about 11 days in august. During the time he was gone and before we were together, I went on a date with his friend because I thought he was gone for good. Later on my twin flame found out and got hurt.

 I asked him back in August why he comes back to me …after all this time of a year of me pushing him away. He told me that I am not like any other girl in his life. I am different. He feels a spiritual bond with me in addition to everything else. 

 I long for him. I miss him and when I try to contact him, he doesn’t respond. One time he said that he has given up indefinitely (he has said this before and has come back many times) because he feels even though we have this deep friendship and connection that he can’t trust me bc i lost that and loyalty. He thinks I can’t be faithful which is not true. I am faithful. I just can’t control if other people like me. I wasn’t sure bc I was scared. I am more sure of anything now. 

 

Copyright 2010 by M. Wood.

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